When you 'Have a Come to Jesus' meeting with yourself!
Dear Me,
It’s so hard to let someone go. To lose someone you cared for is gut wrenching, isn’t it? You’ve lost so many others. Others who received love, kindness and intentional energy from you and in return used it, abused it, took it for granted and then walked away from the one person who undeniably believed in them.
They didn’t see you as the precious treasure you are. They didn’t really see the depth of value and commitment they held in their hands, because truth be told – they don’t know what the value of love truly is. They couldn’t know, they have never experienced it before, and neither have you. Which, is the reason why you continue to find one another and have to say good-bye again and again.
With models you had in life, I would not expect anything different. It makes sense to me.
Same hello and good-bye, but a different face.
I know what it takes for you to make it through each day. The anxiety of each thought, the strength to get out of bed and the will to try your best for ‘just one more hour’.
I know the pain will decrease as the days between you and them increase, but the road is long and I see you are tired.
What I want to say is “you are doing your very best.”, you’ve been here before, but this time, we understand differently.
We understand that…
healing takes time
there is something from the past that you’re reenacting
new neural development takes practice, feedback, practice, data and more practice
you don’t have to make yourself available to everyone
it’s not abandonment, to let someone go and deal with their own life – to put them in the hands of God and say, “Thy will be done”, while you walk away
it is an imbalance of power when one person continues to hold on, while the other person “strings them along” with bread crumbs and false hope… they NEVER intended to follow thru, no matter what they said with their words.
it’s the IDEA of them you miss, not actually them
there are OTHER people who do see you and love you – lean into them
there IS goodness and beauty around you – you can notice it , write it down and meditate on those feelings of “fullness”
exorcising ALL the emotions in any way you can helps, and it helps a lot (writing, painting, coloring, boxing, yoga, reading comforting text, listening and learning new things on podcasts or audio books, throwing yourself into a project like re-painting a room)
you can leave with your dignity in tact while honoring their dignity as well
the more you practice the opposite behavior – the more automatic this will become
you cannot change someone's world view and how they see themselves in it
You have GRIT. This is NOT for the faint of heart. Like your friend always used to tell you, YOU HAVE GRIT, GIRL!
So bare down, DIG your heels in, grit your teeth, clench your fists and FIGHT.
FIGHT for your freedom from reenacting trauma, and FIGHT for your freedom to be loved as much as you loved and gave to them.
IT IS TIME NOW – so DIG DEEP.
FIGHT. Girl, go put on those hot pink boxing gloves you got from the thrift store and LET IT OUT!
BE ANGRY! RAGE! THROW THEM PUNCHES!
REACH DOWN and find that STRONG LOVE – be done with this NONSENSE, because QUEENS do NOT suffer fools.
Love,
Rochelle Sadie